Shallow Gal or Is She

Song of the day: You Look Good to Me by Cherelle

Sometimes me and my friends talk about how shallow some men seem to be; but in reality, we can be just as shallow. One friend, who will remain anonymous, said recently that we would probably never meet the guy she's dating because he's hard on the eyes. I was like, "Girl, that's so mean." She explained that he was good to her, but she couldn't allow herself to get physical with him because he was not attractive to her at all. My first question to her was--why did you start dating him then? Now poor dude is fascinated with my friend and yes, she'll probably break his heart after he spends more of his money on her. Is she wrong? Yes, because she shouldn't use him like that.

I've given guys my number that I wasn't really attracted to at first, but after getting to know them, I enjoyed their company. I rarely bring guys around my friends or family anyway, unless we're in a committed relationship--i.e., I think I'm in love, so them not looking like a GQ model has never phased me. But if I were to be honest, I have to admit, after an ugly dude (or two) tried to play me, I now only date men I find somewhat attractive. Of course there has to be other things besides his looks, but --well I'm just saying. It doesn't make me shallow--just being real.

There's nothing wrong with wanting the total package. Besides, what looks good to me, might not look good to you--so what if I have my preferences; so do you.

Are we too judgmental when it comes to looks?

Confession #16 - There does have to be something attractive about the guy; whether it be his entire package; his eyes, body, smile, or face.

Dating Don'ts

Song of the day: Eve (featuring Alicia Keys) - Gangsta Lovin'

Dating can be fun and when you meet a person you're really interested in, you really want things to go perfect. Here are a few dating don'ts:

• Don't talk about your Ex. Unless, the other person asks you about your ex, do not spend the entire date talking about problems you and your ex encountered. I have a friend who will remain anonymous who complained about the guy talking about a woman he once dated that lived in Europe the entire time they sat around the dinner table.
• Don't do all of the talking. How many times have you been out with someone and they go on and on about themselves and never let you get a word in edge wise. Give the other person time to talk. Listening is just as important as talking.
  
• Ladies, don't pay for the first date. I know we're in a new dating age, but if a man is interested in you, he will part with his hard earned money.
  
• Don't give it up too soon. I say this because good sex can cloud your judgment. You might think he's the best thing since sliced bread, but he's really not. You're only thinking he is because he knows how to hit your g-spot.
• Don't start something, you're not willing to put up with later. That means no faking. No pretending like you like something just to get the person and then do a 360 once you're in a relationship. To thine self be true always. Don't settle for something that you know you don't like because if you do, you'll find yourself caught up in a relationship, you really don't want.
  

What are some of your dating don'ts?

Confession #15: I'm guilty of talking about my last Ex one time too many--which prompted me to write the dating don'ts.

Let's Talk About Pep Season Finale

About Episode 8 (Season Finale):
Pep decides to take a major step with Tom-is this thing turning serious? Joumana's been disappointed by bad boys, now she's wondering: Has the right good guy been there all along? Markuann tries a change of tactics in pursuit of Kittie-will he find success trading in sexy-funny for lovey-dovey?


My Take:
First things first. I hate the show has come to an end. What's a single girl to do on a Monday night? Hmm. Maybe go out on a date of her own :)

You know I've been cheering for Tom every since they introduced him an one of the episodes. I'm so glad that Tom and Pep took the next step. Ooh, I rhymed. LOL Joumana might not be looking for something serious, but looks like something serious has found her. And what can I say, "Mr. Toe sucker" not only surprised Kittie, with his revelation, he surprised me too. Well, she could do worse. Just make sure her friends keep their shoes on, and she'll be alright. LOL

Overall, I enjoyed watching the whole show. I wasn't aware the show would end so soon. For season 2, if there is a season 2, they should expand it to an entire hour.

Hope you enjoyed my commentaries over the season of the show. I hope this won't be your last time stopping by the site.

So come on, did you see the finale? Let's talk about Pep.

No scrubs need apply

(Photo--I don't want no scrub, but sure could use a good doctor...smile)

Song of the day: No Scrubs by T.L.C.

Remember the group TLC as they blurted out the lyrics - “I don’t want no scrub…a scrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me.”

That song came out years ago but for some reason I thought about it last night as I was reading a couple of blogs.

Some folks will try to make you feel bad because you hold men accountable for their actions. I think if we’re being real with each other from the beginning it will save heartache and headache for both parties.

A wise person once told me to only settle for what you think you deserve. Why shouldn’t that apply to all areas of your life? Why did it take me getting in my 30s before I actually realized what they meant?

As I look at some of my past associations with the opposite sex I have to admit that I’ve ran across a few scrubs myself. I thought I could clean them up and make them be more than they were. So I settled, although in my mind I thought I wasn’t. One bad relationship made me realize the errors of my ways and as one of my friends would say - I saw the light. Once the light shined, I vowed not to return down that type of path again. However, it still hasn’t stopped some scrubs crossing my path–I just know how to recognize them and no longer give them my time.

Pearls of Wisdom: You can’t change a grown man. Oh, it may seem like he changed but it’s temporary and overtime, the “real” man will return.

Another Pearl of Wisdom: You Can’t Turn a Scrub into a Boyfriend. If you do, you’ll have a huge mess to clean up afterwards–whether it be your heart, your spirit and if he’s a leech, your finances too.

Don’t fall for the line most scrubs like to use - “Black women don’t support their Black men.” That’s bull. They know it and we should know it. I don’t know a Black woman who hasn’t supported Black men (even when they didn’t believe in themselves, we’ve been there). Don’t let guilt corner you into giving a scrub a try.

Confession #14: This is a scrubs-free zone.I know that there are good men out there that have the qualities that are compatible with me.

Let's Talk About Pep Episode 7

About Episode 7:
Pep takes some time off from Tom to see if another man can make her sweat. Jacque discovers some disturbing info when she cyber-stalks Joel. Kittie finds that there's only room for one big mouth in her house.

My Take:

I'm glad Jacque asked Joel some probing questions. He tripped me out when he said, "I'll keep it real with you, if you keep it real with me." I think he was on the defensive because he's too busy trying to be a player. I have to admit, I was feeling Joel the first time, but now I don't think he's a good choice for Jacque. He's trying to play games. If you're not doing anything, why does it matter that she's looking at your Facebook page? And dude straight up lied about sending out a tweet on Twitter (see the bonus clip).

I thought it was funny that Jacque set Steve up with Kittie. Their date was hilarious. Steve was outrageous. Kittie definitely met her match in him. I knew it wouldn't work with those two but they were great to watch.

All I can say is Sid is like a box of chocolate--you can't help but want to touch him. I don't blame Pep for reaching out and touching those rippling muscles. I still like Tom, but I can understand Pep. Her and Tom aren't in a committed relationship so she's free to date whoever she wants. Back to that tall walk of temptation--Sid would be hard to resist. He would probably make a great boy toy but I'm still leaning towards Tom.

Do you check the Facebook & Twitter page of those you date? Let's talk about Pep.

When the ex still calls

Song of the day: When A Woman's Fed Up by R Kelly

I'm not going to front, I'm thrilled that he called. Why? It only validates what I said when we parted--that the grass ain't greener on the other side and he'll be crawling back with his head between his legs begging for my brown sugar.

Honestly, it happened sooner than I expected though. Caught me by surprise; but not so much that I wanted to take his trifling behind back though.He's been trying to get back for at least a month now.

I would be lying if I said, I didn't think about it for a second. Yes, a second, because on the second SECOND, my memory remembered how everything went down. It recalled why he was now an ex.

I'm at peace. I can't go back to what we were. I've changed since we broke up. That woman he knew, will never be again. My love now has conditions.

• He should have stayed when I gave him unconditional love.
  
• He should have thought about the things he's now saying before he became an ex.
• He should have been thinking about me every day when he was with me.
• He should have lived the truth instead of telling lies when we were together.

My male friends tell me to not even accept his calls anymore. His calls don't bother me. They bother him. Why? Because I don't ever respond the way he wants me to respond. I never give him the "okay" that he's welcome to be an important part of my life again. It frustrates him and honestly, I find it funny at this point. Call me cruel, but I'm not. Call me being a biatch, but I'm not. I'm just saying. He should have listened to the words of the song, "When a Woman's Fed Up..." because at this point, there's nothing he can do about it. I've moved on. I'm living my life like it's golden.

Confession #13: An ex calling and wanting to get back with me does boost the ego; but it doesn't mean I want to get back with him.

Make a move or be left behind

Song for the day - Always on Time - Ashanti & JaRule

by Chelle

Men need to realize that no matter how long a woman has been alone, saying, “OH she's been alone for 6 months, 10 months, 3 years etc....so she’s okay waiting for X amount of time longer for me…” is a mistake.

Her being alone has been her OWN business. There has been a reason she’s been alone, one that has nothing to do with you. If she’s finally healed enough to be with you that means she’s ready to open up again—that she’s healed and ready to move on in life.

This ALONE period was not some PRACTICE for more alone time.

Men, you need to QUIT thinking that dragging her heart out to the limit is OKAY.

Men PLEASE when a woman who has been alone gets tired of being ALONE…when the light comes on… if she’s who you want, or who you even THINK you want… you besta be THERE with her--in some way or at least let her know it... beyond just empty BS words or wilted flowers or some SECOND choice actions...

GET THERE for real ....or get left.

When the light inside a woman comes on, there is a glow that other men see (you know that)... and soon one will come along with all you offer and more... and the more will be... THEMSELVES.... they will BE THERE.. in more than just words and WEAK promises and or offers of sex or some other weak and limited temporary 'present' or condescending gesture on your part!!!

We are not PITY PARTIES...

AND SOON, a man WILL BE THERE TO DELIVER the love and the touch and the... ugh the internal fulfillment we need.

Confession #12: I'm single by my own choosing so don't act like you are my only choice. Don't get left behind.

Let's Talk About Pep Episode 6

About Episode 6:
It's time for Tom to meet Pep's friends-but how will he react when he gets a load of Kittie? Joumana goes toe-to-toe with a celebrity boxer. Jacque searches for the elusive "Big O." And that ain't Oprah.

My Take:
It was an interesting show last night. I'll start off talking about Jacque and her session. I doubt if I could ever go through with something like that, so I commend her for stepping out of her comfort zone. If you've been reading my commentary then I've mentioned before that out of the four friends, I'm probably more like Jacque. I laughed when the sex guru mentioned disrobing. Jacque practically ran out of there.

Joumana just can't leave those bad boys alone. He was fine but when he had his entourage with him, that's when I would have left him to his two dancers. But she hung in there and all she wanted was a fling anyway. I'm wondering if Joumana will meet the man that will make her want to commit. Remember she said in a previous episode that she purposely date men who she knows she won't commit to.

Now about Ms Kittie. Kittie knows she was wrong for how she acted in front of the Doc. Pep had every right to be upset. Pep, however, knows how Kittie is. Tom gets a few points for not judging Pep based on her friends. I wonder how long things will last with her & the Doc, since the next episode shows a clip with her and this other dude.

Did anybody else see last night's episode? Let's talk about Pep.

Valentine's Day for the Single Ladies

Song of the day - Single Ladies by Beyonce

Ladies, if you are single, I hope you're not sitting around feeling depressed because you don't have a special man in your life. Grant it, Valentine's Day is a special day. Even if you are in a relationship, if the guy you're with only does something nice for you ONE day out of an entire year, then something is wrong. He should be treating you nice the entire year. Okay, back to the single ladies.

This Valentine's Day do what you should be doing everyday--love yourself. If you must feel like you're getting something for Valentine's Day, treat yourself to flowers, candy, spa day or whatever else that will make you feel special on February 14th.

My plans for Valentine's Day this year is to go to church, spend time with my family during the day and chill out with myself that night. I don't have any dates plan and if a guy asks me at this late of the week, I will probably turn him down because if he's calling now; that probably means he's also going to be expecting some Valentine's night coochie and that's not going to happen so he should call somebody else.

Going solo this Valentine's Day doesn't have to be a bad thing.

CONFESSION #11 - I love Valentine's Day but if you can only treat me right one day out of the year, you need to keep it moving.

Dating Applications Should Be Required

Song of the day: I'm Looking For a New Love by Jody Watley

What if we treated dating like we do a job or an interview. Companies pre-screen applicants before deciding to give them an interview. Why don't we pre-screen guys more before deciding to give them our hearts? For example:

1. Applicants fill out applications (ask potential date questions).
2. Applicant gets an interview (go out on date to learn even more).
3. Interviewer takes notes (evaluates all information & decide if you want to continue dating).
   
4. Interviewer does a background check (background check could be asking friends/relatives/or official criminal background check)
   

Below is a dating application I ran across on Black Femme Fatale's blog. Loved it and thought I would share it with you.

In compliance with applicable laws, this woman typically does not discriminate because of age, sex, race, color, religion, national origin, veteran status or disability. But because I am a woman, I can do whatever the hell I wanna do.

Instructions: Please print. Be sure to answer all questions. If a question does not apply to you, answer with “no” or “not applicable”. Do not substitute any bullshit for the information requested. Please attach 3 references. Do not use family members, homeboys or cut buddies that you claim you are just friends with. We would prefer if you use past girlfriends, coworkers, or someone that really does not give a flip about this one way or the other and will not lie for you.

Note: I do offer the opportunity for advancement. Upon outstanding behavior, you may be promoted to boyfriend, fiancé, or even husband if you are lucky.

PERSONAL INFORMATION

Last name First Middle						Social Security Number
Present Address (please attach a current bill for verification. Photocopies not accepted)							How long?
City State Zip							Verified? Yes No
Telephone Number and area code Home ( ) Work ( )					Person to notify in case I have to cut you Name Phone ( )
Position Desired					Hours available
Gainfully employed? Yes No		If yes, where? If no, Kick Rocks and your application will be permanently destroyed.
Adequate transportation? Yes No				If no, Kick Rocks and your application will be permanently destroyed.
Currently holding another position as Winter Boo? Yes No	If yes, Kick Rocks and your application will be permanently destroyed.
Have been properly screened for STD’s? Yes No	Dates and what medical facility? Also, please provide proof.
Ever engaged in any intimate activity with a male that should be strictly between a male and female? Yes No	If yes, Kick Rocks and your application will be permanently destroyed.
Married? Yes No	If yes, Kick Rocks and your application will be permanently destroyed. Just so you know, your wife will be contacted at the phone number or address you have listed above. Sorry bastard!!
Baby Mama Drama? Yes No	If yes, please explain
Bad Credit? Yes No	If yes, please explain
Have you ever been convicted of a felony? Yes No	If yes, please explain (anything other than possession of marijuana or 1 DUI, Kick Rocks and your application will be permanently destroyed.)
Have you ever been terminated from or asked to resign from a previous Winter Boo position? Yes No			If yes, Please explain
Check anything that applies God fearing Respectable Believes chivalry is dead can handle minor housekeeping duties phone rings all time of night lies uncontrollably effective listener goal oriented handsome nice dresser can pick up the tab without having to file bankruptcy don’t have a girlfriend good with my hands trustworthy kind loving willing to slide a sister some change to help her out if need be

EDUCATION

Education	Name and location of institution	Grade Average	Did you Graduate?	If you graduated, what was your Degree and major
High school and/or G.E.D.			Yes No
College			Yes No
College			Yes No
Graduate School			Yes No
Other institutions attended			Yes No

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION

Use this space to list any reasons why you, above all others, should be selected as Winter Boo.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

APPLICANT’S STATEMENT

I certify that the information contained in this application is correct and understand that falsification of this information is grounds for dismissal. I authorize this woman to conduct an investigation of my background for the purpose of confirming the information contained on my application and/or obtaining other information which may be material to my qualifications for Winter Boo. I authorize any individuals or entities contacted during this investigation to give you any and all pertinent information they may have, personal or otherwise, and release all parties from any and all liabilities, claims or law suits in regard to the information obtained.

I certify that I have read, understand and agree with the above.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Applicant’s Signature Date

CONFESSION #10 - Just because I don't acknowledge I know you're lying about something; doesn't mean you have me fooled.

Let's Talk About Pep Episode 5

About Episode 5:
Pep wasn't so comfy approaching guys in a club. Now she's treated to a party full of dudes all vying for affection-but will she face some unwanted competition? Joumana finds out that bad boys don't change their stripes, and she has to be rescued by Kittie. Jacque goes out with Joel, a seemingly perfect guy with one scary red flag in his past.

My Take:
No date highlight this week for Kittie.

If you watched the show last week, you recall Pep went out with Dr. Tom. Well in this week's episode, she's still going out with Dr. Tom, but she wants to keep her options opened so through a referral, she's uses this dating guru. You would think being the only woman in a sea of men would be heavenly. Hmm. Pep met some weird guys at this match making party. She would have done better trying to find a man on her own.

Joumana seems to love the bad boys. In this episode she's to meet one out. One thing I notice about Joumana, she doesn't let the guy come pick her up; she usually meets them out somewhere. Ladies, for security reasons, I would advise that for any active dater, whether he's a good guy or a bad boy. Anyway, Joumana sits in the restaurant and waits and waits for the guy to show up and he stands her up. She calls Kittie. Kittie cusses the guy out over the phone and they end up going to a club having a good time. Oh we also find out why Joumana picks out bad boys. Since she's not ready to commit to anyone, she purposely goes out with guys she's knows she won't commit to because she wants to play it safe and have no pressure.

Ms Jacque goes out with this guy named Joel. He's a journalist and they seem to have a lot in common. The ladies tease her when they find out one interesting thing about the sexy Joel--especially Joumana--he's a bad boy. Joel explains his story to Jacque and we all find out that he has a record--not music album, jail record. Jacque doesn't hold that against him and has agreed to go out on a second date with him.

Would you date a guy with a prison record? Let's talk about Pep. What's your take?

Let's Talk About Pep Episode 4

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About Episode 4:
Pep spends a romantic night in with her new man Tom, a doctor and gourmet chef-will she fall prey to some "Asian persuasion?" Kittie spends another crazy night out with Markuann-but the picture in the A.M. ain't so pretty. A young NFL player is hot-to-trot for Joumana-is she ready to be a cougar?

My Take:
Jacque didn't have any date highlights in this episode. Joumana played the cougar. She had a date with NFL Hottie Brandon. Brandon is only 24 or as he quickly said, soon to be 25. As she was giving her date recap, she kept saying "I know better." I think she was too afraid of what people would think so she could never get past his age. I think what really gave her an eye-opener is when he said, "You still look good." Young men, please, never ever say that to an older woman you're interested in dating. But Joumana, he looked so good so believe me, this cougar here would have understood if you lived on the edge just a little bit.

Kittie went out again with Markuann or as we all know him as Mr. Toe Sucker. Mr. Toe Sucker is still a sucker for toes. I think Kittie realizes she needs more because although she enjoyed his attention at night, during the day time, he left her feeling disappointed. I think once Kittie realizes there's more to a man than his bed action, she'll find the happiness she wants.

Last, but not least is Pep and the good doctor a/k/a Tom. Fellows let me tell you, there's nothing sexier than watching a man cook for you. He did get the raised eyebrow when he brought out the watermelon. I wasn't too sure what that meant but I flipped the chip off my shoulder and like Pep, I overlooked it (for now). He got some more cool points with the Blind Fold game that led to the kiss.

Pep was open-minded and dated outside of her comfort zone. I wonder if I could do the same. Hmm. I don't know. I prefer Black men but who knows, maybe one day. I've been a cougar, so you never know.

Okay peeps, let's talk about Pep. What's your take?

No I'm not coming over

Song for the day - Can I Come Over by Aaliyah

Okay, what is it about guys who you've only known a hot minute wanting you to come to their house?

Last week, after a few phone conversations and text messages, I went out on a lunch date with this guy. Conversation was good--company was good. Thought all was well. Fast forward to later on that evening when I get a call asking me if I was available. I'm a "weekend girl" but because I know the guy has his daughter on the weekend, I was willing to bend a little, but when he asked me if I could come over that same night and I said, no; ol' boy had a slight attitude.

#1 I don't know you well enough to be coming over to your place.
#2 I just saw you at lunch time; you should have asked me if I was available later then.
#3 He asked the wrong question--maybe if he would have asked me out on a real date, I may have obliged.
#4 I have many movie channels and the internet. I can watch a movie at home. Why do I need to leave my warm house and get in a cold car to go to someone else's house to watch a movie that I probably don't want to see anyway?
#5 I don't do booty calls, so me coming over was mute if that was his original plan.

Funny thing is, when I said no, it's like he went from being a man to throwing a temper tantrum. What's up with that? His tantrum basically wiped out my memory of the nice lunch and vibe I got from him during lunch time.

Confession #9 - Getting me to your place does not mean I'm giving up the booty. P.S. - Throwing a tantrum just because I won't bend to your schedule throws you out of the running.

Can men and women just be friends

Song for the day - Just a Friend by Biz Markie

My ex didn't believe that men and women could be "just friends" so he had a problem with my male friends. Well, hindsight is 20/20. I think the reason why he had an issue with my male friends because he knew that he couldn't "just be friends" with members of the opposite sex. We broke up because of his so called female friends. He forgot during our initial dating stage before getting involved exclusively, we talked about his views on men and women being "just friends."

Anyhoo--my male friends are just that--friends that I can call or email and bounce ideas off of. I know if I need to get a little peep into the male psyche, they will give me the raw and uncut version. One of my ex-boyfriends is a good friend of mine. Him and I make better friends than lovers, so we would never go down that route again. No man I get involved with would ever have to feel insecure about him.

I for one believe that members of the opposite sex can be "just friends" with no romantic involvement. I also think that in order for a relationship to work, you do have to be friends with your mate. Starting off as friends isn't a bad thing.

My question would be to everyone is when do you cross the line--when do you go from being friends to lovers? Should you risk a good friendship by taking a leap into the unknown?

Confession #8 - We might be friends; but sometimes I might want a little more than friendship.

Is your man a freak

Song for the day - Freak Like Me - Adina Howard

I was over on Single Black Male's site today and today's topic was What defines a freak. It got me to thinking about some conversations I've had with friends. Some friends are quick to tell you details about their sexapades but then there are some friends who tend to keep the information under lock and key.

If your man is a freak, should you really disclose this to your girlfriends. If you're a freak, do you really want everyone to know about it? Hmm, just some questions that come to mind.

It's hard to look at a man and tell if he's freaky in the bedroom.

Below is my comment I left on SBM's blog:

You can’t necessarily look at a person and tell they are freak. For example, some men you think might have it going on in the bedroom, don’t. They end up being “one minute” men. I raise my eyebrow a little when a man brags about all of his bedroom skills because 9 times out of 10, he won’t be able to deliver. If you’re a freak, just let that side show when you get intimate with that person. Of course, you should discuss what’s off limits–like anal, but for the most part–don’t brag about your antics.

And if you are a freak in the bedroom, it doesn’t mean you let the freak out for just anybody–at least this chick doesn’t.

Confession #7 - Yes, we want a man that's a little freaky. He should be a professional by day and a freak at night.

Let's Talk About Pep Episode 3

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About Episode 3:
Pep's date with actor Dennis White is really going somewhere- until Pep is stopped dead in her tracks by the revelation that Dennis is friends with her ex! Kittie comes face to face with a man she's had phone sex with for 3 years-but never met. Jacque hits up speed dating to find a man who wants to get married and have kids asap.

My Take:
Deborah asked in the comments what I thought about the show. I agree with her reference the dude Kittie was with. "I still want to know what kind of man talks sex to a woman for three years on the phone and never tries to execute." You know Kittie wasn't too happy about him turning her down. You already know he's history.

Jacque decided to try speed dating and she met some characters. I've always wanted to try speed dating but now I'm not so sure.

Now on to Pep & Dennis. I think things were going fine between the two. Dennis was really feeling Pep. Pep was really feeling Dennis--well that is until she found out he knew Treach. Dennis planted a big ol' kiss on her too. Like her girls asked her, did he kiss like Treach or was it better? Come on--we like details. I can understand Pep being hesitant though because I don't know if I would want to date one of my exes friends either. Then again--not.

So let's talk about Pep. What's your take on this week's episode.

The interlude after

Song for the day - Let's Talk About Sex - Salt N Pepa

What happens when sex is just ‘sex’ and the man doesn’t get the hint?

I’m not the type who usually prefers booty calls or a sexual rendezvous but there are times that one may be necessary. Tonight, as I am suffering from acute insomnia, I wrote a piece about a young woman who feels her sex guy isn’t taking her hints about the booty call rules—hit it and quit it. This particular man must be smitten because he is still there. Enjoy

daybreak in transit: The interlude after

by Persia Ellis

His touch is repulsive, now that I have reached my orgasm. Dramatically and intently, my eyelids flutter and flirt with closing artificially and succeed at portraying the yearning of having my own space returned to me. Without him. Here.

The fallacy of sleep should work. Usually, it does so why does he stay?

He is still here.

Our ingenuous love session, so anonymous, spontaneous and lyrical, has expired yet he remains in the presence of what originally made it special. He can ruin its essence—the moment.

That moment before daybreak when our natural melodies intertwined a passionate hymn that morphed into beautiful mutual climaxes. It has made me happy and him, as well.

The clock says 4:38 a.m. Nothing more is needed to be expressed. Why does he feel the need to invade my liberty? My space. My bed.

Just a few sultry moments ago, those same naked toned arms and coy smile were devouring to my own soul.. but Now, they are just.. just sadly, in the way. In my way.

Is he mad? Or maybe he is in love with what he cannot tame.

Maybe my snoring would drive him away. Then, again, I did put it on him.

So, most certainly, he will be here in the morning…

In the kitchen…

Making my breakfast….. lunch….then dinner.

Confession #6 - Just because we let you hit it, doesn't mean we want you to stay.

One Minute Man

Song for the day - One Minute Man by Missy Elliott

Ladies, have you ever dated a guy and everything was perfect? From outward appearances, he has it going on: tall, dark (or light) and handsome...size 12 shoe, big strong hands...then the moment of truth. The curtain opens. The pants drop. With mouth wide open, you're surprised--not that it's so big but after months of anticipating this special night, the man of your dreams is a member of the "itty bitty teensie weenie committee."

What's a woman to do when faced with this dilemma? Does she act like it doesn't matter? Does she laugh it off so she won't get mad for feeling hoodwinked?

Confession #5 - Size does matter. If you don't have the size, you better know how to work it in other ways.

Let's Talk About Pep Episode 2

About Episode 2: Pep hooks up with Essence Magazine for a night on the town--and a shameless man-hunt. Kittie meets a guy with a very dirty job. Joumana's bad boy friend Corey takes her on a wild date with way more action than she bargained for. Jacque's ex-flame Larry tries to convince her he's finally ready to settle down.

My Take: I want to first start off talking about Joumana. I was shocked that she even agreed to meet up with bad boy Corey. It just goes to show you that every girl wants a bad boy every now and then. I'm surprised he didn't end up in jail. He's fortunate that all he got was a ticket. Corey was a cutie but only good for shot glasses and a good time. He's not the commitment type. Joumana, I hope you learned your lesson and will leave the bad boys to Kittie.

Okay who believes Larry. When Jacque asked him if he would be ready to settle down in 6 months--meaning progress the relationship to the marriage stage, I just knew he was going to back down. I had to raise an eyebrow at his response. I think he doesn't want to let a good woman get away so he'll say anything at this point to get Jacque back. The chemistry is definitely still there between the two but I would proceed with caution if I was Jacque.

Pep was taken out of her element during her and Kittie's "Cutie Run." I understand Pep's hesitation though. Like her, I also prefer to be the prey than the one doing the hunting. After their unsuccessful night at the club, leave it up to Kittie to find the trash, I mean a bad boy. Okay, ladies, do your garbage men dress like the dude on the show? Hey, at least you know the brotha has a job. I'm just saying. Invest in some lysol and well, Kittie girl I'm not mad at you.

What do you think about Pep's closing toast, "open for change but not compromising?"

Okay, let's talk about Pep.

Just Fine

Song for the day - Just Fine - Mary J Blige

I had fun this weekend. A few weeks ago, one of my male friends told me I needed to do something just for me. I enjoy hanging out with this male friend because with him, there are no expectations. I'm not trying to impress him or even care if he likes me in that manner. I can be myself and talk to him about anything. Anyway, he's great. He was there to help me through my break-up. He never tried to take advantage of my emotional state during the difficult period; instead he's been the voice of reason.

I should thank him for suggesting I get away for a few days. I used the time to think, cry, laugh and basically regroup. Only one song can sum up how I'm feeling right now and that's Mary J Blige's song "Just Fine."

Confession #4 - You might lose a fight, but you can still win the battle. You can't keep a good woman down.

Bug a Boo

Song for the day - Destiny's Child - Bug a Boo

Have you ever given your number to a guy and later regretted that you did because now he's becoming a Bug a Boo?

I tried being polite to this guy because I really don't like hurting folks feelings but he pushed me to the limits so I came straight out and told him to stop calling me. One thing about a Bug A Boo, they don't take hints well.

The first clue that a woman don't want to be bothered is after the 2nd message, she hasn't returned your call. (Translation: Yes, you have the right number, but I clearly don't want to talk to your a**.)

Another clue is after the 2nd text message, she hasn't replied. (Translation: If I didn't respond to the first text message asking me why I haven't returned your call, what makes you think I will respond to the 2nd one???)

The number way to know if you're a Bug a Boo is if the woman flats out tells you to stop calling but you still do.

Calling will not change a person's mind. All it will do is put you on the STALKER list.

Confession #3 - I return phone calls; however if I'm not interested in future communications with the person, I don't. That goes for men I'm not interested in, bill collectors, nosy neighbors, etc.

Let's Talk About Pep Episode 1

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I will be adding this show to my roster. Of course, I'll be flipping between it and CSI because of the time conflict.

Finally a reality show that I can relate to.

Quick recap of 1st episode--Pep has been celibate and off the date scene for 4 years. She breaks that track record by dating an NFL Hottie and girls he is definitely hot and will make you forget about your drought. After getting past his good looks, he seemed to be a man of substance, but let's keep it real, sexiness just oozed from his pores. The hot tub scene--sizzling. Okay, when his hair caught on fire--he did lose some cool points. I couldn't help but crack up laughing.

Speaking of laughing, the guy Kittie went out with almost made me spill out my drink when he said, "Your toes taste like meatloaf." I was like WTF. LOL

Joumane, who was formerly married to NBA baller Jason Kidd, seems more subdued than the other ladies.

Yes, I was definitely a little jealous of Jacque when I saw who her date was--Lamman. I've had a secret crush on him since I saw him on Living Single back in the 90s. I'm sure he didn't expect the baby conversation though and since I saw scenes from the next episode, I can say that Jacque and Lamman make better friends than lovers so that means he's still on the market---yeah!

If you watched the show, let's talk about Pep.

Let's Talk About Pep

VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip

Yes, another reality show but one that I will probably enjoy watching since I too am single.

About the show:
Let's Talk About Pep is a real life comedy following Sandra "Pepa" Denton of Salt-n-Pepa fame as she emerges from several years of romantic and sexual dormancy, brought on by some seriously lousy relationships. Now she's ready again to search for love and action in the capital of hooking up, New York. She's joined by three friends also trying to negotiate the romantic minefield of NYC.

Catch the show Monday nights on VH1.

Can I Buy You a Drink?

Song for the day - T Pain - Buy U a Drank

Ladies do you feel obligated to give a guy your number after he buys you a drink?

Will I give a guy my number after he buys me a drink--it depends.

If over the course of our conversation the guy says something off the wall or disrespectful, he gets no digits.
If I see any sign of a wedding ring or mark on the ring finger, he gets no digits.
If his breath is kind of tart--okay funky, he gets no digits.
If I happen to look down and see a size 5 shoe, sorry fellows but you gets no-nada-zero digits.

Fellows don't think because you buy us drinks that we're obligated to talk with you and dance with you ALL NIGHT. Please don't be like the guy I met this past weekend who got upset because after he bought me a drink he still didn't get the digits. Buying women drinks is just a chance you're taking. The woman is not obligated to give you her phone number.

Fellows spend your money wisely. Better yet, save your money.

Confession #2 - Good conversation beats out a free drink any night--well at least for this sista.

What If I'm Two Pennies Short of a Dime?

I've heard some guys call some women dime pieces. One question--what if you're a nickel and three pennies? Can an 8 get some attention please!!! I mean I got the breasts--nice double Ds but I don't have the bundonkedonk ghetto booty. Don't get me wrong though--my booty ain't bad either. It's enough junk in the trunk for a guy to smack it up, flip it and rub it down.

Oops. Back to the original reason of the post. So anyway, us 8's are having to compete with the dimes so as an 8, we have to make sure our hair is tight, our clothes are right so we can catch that special guy's attention. Men are visual creatures.

Men let me tell you a secret - we women like for our men to be physically appealing too. We like for our men to dress well, smell good and please can you clean your dirty fingernails.

So ladies if you're two pennies short of a dime--embrace being an 8 and shake what your mama made you. Fellows don't let a good 8 past you by while you're waiting on that dime.

Confession #1 - I'm not perfect but who is.

Who Am I

I am a single Black female.
Some say I'm a statistic, but I refuse to accept that as a fact.
Life as a single Black woman has it's ups and downs.
I plan on giving a "in your face" view of what it's like to be single these days.
Feel free to jump on into the discussions.

Happy New Year