Can men and women just be friends

Song for the day - Just a Friend by Biz Markie

My ex didn't believe that men and women could be "just friends" so he had a problem with my male friends. Well, hindsight is 20/20. I think the reason why he had an issue with my male friends because he knew that he couldn't "just be friends" with members of the opposite sex. We broke up because of his so called female friends. He forgot during our initial dating stage before getting involved exclusively, we talked about his views on men and women being "just friends."

Anyhoo--my male friends are just that--friends that I can call or email and bounce ideas off of. I know if I need to get a little peep into the male psyche, they will give me the raw and uncut version. One of my ex-boyfriends is a good friend of mine. Him and I make better friends than lovers, so we would never go down that route again. No man I get involved with would ever have to feel insecure about him.

I for one believe that members of the opposite sex can be "just friends" with no romantic involvement. I also think that in order for a relationship to work, you do have to be friends with your mate. Starting off as friends isn't a bad thing.

My question would be to everyone is when do you cross the line--when do you go from being friends to lovers? Should you risk a good friendship by taking a leap into the unknown?

Confession #8 - We might be friends; but sometimes I might want a little more than friendship.

Is your man a freak

Song for the day - Freak Like Me - Adina Howard

I was over on Single Black Male's site today and today's topic was What defines a freak. It got me to thinking about some conversations I've had with friends. Some friends are quick to tell you details about their sexapades but then there are some friends who tend to keep the information under lock and key.

If your man is a freak, should you really disclose this to your girlfriends. If you're a freak, do you really want everyone to know about it? Hmm, just some questions that come to mind.

It's hard to look at a man and tell if he's freaky in the bedroom.

Below is my comment I left on SBM's blog:

You can’t necessarily look at a person and tell they are freak. For example, some men you think might have it going on in the bedroom, don’t. They end up being “one minute” men. I raise my eyebrow a little when a man brags about all of his bedroom skills because 9 times out of 10, he won’t be able to deliver. If you’re a freak, just let that side show when you get intimate with that person. Of course, you should discuss what’s off limits–like anal, but for the most part–don’t brag about your antics.

And if you are a freak in the bedroom, it doesn’t mean you let the freak out for just anybody–at least this chick doesn’t.

Confession #7 - Yes, we want a man that's a little freaky. He should be a professional by day and a freak at night.

Let's Talk About Pep Episode 3

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About Episode 3:
Pep's date with actor Dennis White is really going somewhere- until Pep is stopped dead in her tracks by the revelation that Dennis is friends with her ex! Kittie comes face to face with a man she's had phone sex with for 3 years-but never met. Jacque hits up speed dating to find a man who wants to get married and have kids asap.

My Take:
Deborah asked in the comments what I thought about the show. I agree with her reference the dude Kittie was with. "I still want to know what kind of man talks sex to a woman for three years on the phone and never tries to execute." You know Kittie wasn't too happy about him turning her down. You already know he's history.

Jacque decided to try speed dating and she met some characters. I've always wanted to try speed dating but now I'm not so sure.

Now on to Pep & Dennis. I think things were going fine between the two. Dennis was really feeling Pep. Pep was really feeling Dennis--well that is until she found out he knew Treach. Dennis planted a big ol' kiss on her too. Like her girls asked her, did he kiss like Treach or was it better? Come on--we like details. I can understand Pep being hesitant though because I don't know if I would want to date one of my exes friends either. Then again--not.

So let's talk about Pep. What's your take on this week's episode.

The interlude after

Song for the day - Let's Talk About Sex - Salt N Pepa

What happens when sex is just ‘sex’ and the man doesn’t get the hint?

I’m not the type who usually prefers booty calls or a sexual rendezvous but there are times that one may be necessary. Tonight, as I am suffering from acute insomnia, I wrote a piece about a young woman who feels her sex guy isn’t taking her hints about the booty call rules—hit it and quit it. This particular man must be smitten because he is still there. Enjoy

daybreak in transit: The interlude after

by Persia Ellis

His touch is repulsive, now that I have reached my orgasm. Dramatically and intently, my eyelids flutter and flirt with closing artificially and succeed at portraying the yearning of having my own space returned to me. Without him. Here.

The fallacy of sleep should work. Usually, it does so why does he stay?

He is still here.

Our ingenuous love session, so anonymous, spontaneous and lyrical, has expired yet he remains in the presence of what originally made it special. He can ruin its essence—the moment.

That moment before daybreak when our natural melodies intertwined a passionate hymn that morphed into beautiful mutual climaxes. It has made me happy and him, as well.

The clock says 4:38 a.m. Nothing more is needed to be expressed. Why does he feel the need to invade my liberty? My space. My bed.

Just a few sultry moments ago, those same naked toned arms and coy smile were devouring to my own soul.. but Now, they are just.. just sadly, in the way. In my way.

Is he mad? Or maybe he is in love with what he cannot tame.

Maybe my snoring would drive him away. Then, again, I did put it on him.

So, most certainly, he will be here in the morning…

In the kitchen…

Making my breakfast….. lunch….then dinner.

Confession #6 - Just because we let you hit it, doesn't mean we want you to stay.

One Minute Man

Song for the day - One Minute Man by Missy Elliott

Ladies, have you ever dated a guy and everything was perfect? From outward appearances, he has it going on: tall, dark (or light) and handsome...size 12 shoe, big strong hands...then the moment of truth. The curtain opens. The pants drop. With mouth wide open, you're surprised--not that it's so big but after months of anticipating this special night, the man of your dreams is a member of the "itty bitty teensie weenie committee."

What's a woman to do when faced with this dilemma? Does she act like it doesn't matter? Does she laugh it off so she won't get mad for feeling hoodwinked?

Confession #5 - Size does matter. If you don't have the size, you better know how to work it in other ways.

Let's Talk About Pep Episode 2

About Episode 2: Pep hooks up with Essence Magazine for a night on the town--and a shameless man-hunt. Kittie meets a guy with a very dirty job. Joumana's bad boy friend Corey takes her on a wild date with way more action than she bargained for. Jacque's ex-flame Larry tries to convince her he's finally ready to settle down.

My Take: I want to first start off talking about Joumana. I was shocked that she even agreed to meet up with bad boy Corey. It just goes to show you that every girl wants a bad boy every now and then. I'm surprised he didn't end up in jail. He's fortunate that all he got was a ticket. Corey was a cutie but only good for shot glasses and a good time. He's not the commitment type. Joumana, I hope you learned your lesson and will leave the bad boys to Kittie.

Okay who believes Larry. When Jacque asked him if he would be ready to settle down in 6 months--meaning progress the relationship to the marriage stage, I just knew he was going to back down. I had to raise an eyebrow at his response. I think he doesn't want to let a good woman get away so he'll say anything at this point to get Jacque back. The chemistry is definitely still there between the two but I would proceed with caution if I was Jacque.

Pep was taken out of her element during her and Kittie's "Cutie Run." I understand Pep's hesitation though. Like her, I also prefer to be the prey than the one doing the hunting. After their unsuccessful night at the club, leave it up to Kittie to find the trash, I mean a bad boy. Okay, ladies, do your garbage men dress like the dude on the show? Hey, at least you know the brotha has a job. I'm just saying. Invest in some lysol and well, Kittie girl I'm not mad at you.

What do you think about Pep's closing toast, "open for change but not compromising?"

Okay, let's talk about Pep.

Just Fine

Song for the day - Just Fine - Mary J Blige

I had fun this weekend. A few weeks ago, one of my male friends told me I needed to do something just for me. I enjoy hanging out with this male friend because with him, there are no expectations. I'm not trying to impress him or even care if he likes me in that manner. I can be myself and talk to him about anything. Anyway, he's great. He was there to help me through my break-up. He never tried to take advantage of my emotional state during the difficult period; instead he's been the voice of reason.

I should thank him for suggesting I get away for a few days. I used the time to think, cry, laugh and basically regroup. Only one song can sum up how I'm feeling right now and that's Mary J Blige's song "Just Fine."

Confession #4 - You might lose a fight, but you can still win the battle. You can't keep a good woman down.

Bug a Boo

Song for the day - Destiny's Child - Bug a Boo

Have you ever given your number to a guy and later regretted that you did because now he's becoming a Bug a Boo?

I tried being polite to this guy because I really don't like hurting folks feelings but he pushed me to the limits so I came straight out and told him to stop calling me. One thing about a Bug A Boo, they don't take hints well.

The first clue that a woman don't want to be bothered is after the 2nd message, she hasn't returned your call. (Translation: Yes, you have the right number, but I clearly don't want to talk to your a**.)

Another clue is after the 2nd text message, she hasn't replied. (Translation: If I didn't respond to the first text message asking me why I haven't returned your call, what makes you think I will respond to the 2nd one???)

The number way to know if you're a Bug a Boo is if the woman flats out tells you to stop calling but you still do.

Calling will not change a person's mind. All it will do is put you on the STALKER list.

Confession #3 - I return phone calls; however if I'm not interested in future communications with the person, I don't. That goes for men I'm not interested in, bill collectors, nosy neighbors, etc.

Let's Talk About Pep Episode 1

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I will be adding this show to my roster. Of course, I'll be flipping between it and CSI because of the time conflict.

Finally a reality show that I can relate to.

Quick recap of 1st episode--Pep has been celibate and off the date scene for 4 years. She breaks that track record by dating an NFL Hottie and girls he is definitely hot and will make you forget about your drought. After getting past his good looks, he seemed to be a man of substance, but let's keep it real, sexiness just oozed from his pores. The hot tub scene--sizzling. Okay, when his hair caught on fire--he did lose some cool points. I couldn't help but crack up laughing.

Speaking of laughing, the guy Kittie went out with almost made me spill out my drink when he said, "Your toes taste like meatloaf." I was like WTF. LOL

Joumane, who was formerly married to NBA baller Jason Kidd, seems more subdued than the other ladies.

Yes, I was definitely a little jealous of Jacque when I saw who her date was--Lamman. I've had a secret crush on him since I saw him on Living Single back in the 90s. I'm sure he didn't expect the baby conversation though and since I saw scenes from the next episode, I can say that Jacque and Lamman make better friends than lovers so that means he's still on the market---yeah!

If you watched the show, let's talk about Pep.

Let's Talk About Pep

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Yes, another reality show but one that I will probably enjoy watching since I too am single.

About the show:
Let's Talk About Pep is a real life comedy following Sandra "Pepa" Denton of Salt-n-Pepa fame as she emerges from several years of romantic and sexual dormancy, brought on by some seriously lousy relationships. Now she's ready again to search for love and action in the capital of hooking up, New York. She's joined by three friends also trying to negotiate the romantic minefield of NYC.

Catch the show Monday nights on VH1.

Can I Buy You a Drink?

Song for the day - T Pain - Buy U a Drank

Ladies do you feel obligated to give a guy your number after he buys you a drink?

Will I give a guy my number after he buys me a drink--it depends.

If over the course of our conversation the guy says something off the wall or disrespectful, he gets no digits.
If I see any sign of a wedding ring or mark on the ring finger, he gets no digits.
If his breath is kind of tart--okay funky, he gets no digits.
If I happen to look down and see a size 5 shoe, sorry fellows but you gets no-nada-zero digits.

Fellows don't think because you buy us drinks that we're obligated to talk with you and dance with you ALL NIGHT. Please don't be like the guy I met this past weekend who got upset because after he bought me a drink he still didn't get the digits. Buying women drinks is just a chance you're taking. The woman is not obligated to give you her phone number.

Fellows spend your money wisely. Better yet, save your money.

Confession #2 - Good conversation beats out a free drink any night--well at least for this sista.

What If I'm Two Pennies Short of a Dime?

I've heard some guys call some women dime pieces. One question--what if you're a nickel and three pennies? Can an 8 get some attention please!!! I mean I got the breasts--nice double Ds but I don't have the bundonkedonk ghetto booty. Don't get me wrong though--my booty ain't bad either. It's enough junk in the trunk for a guy to smack it up, flip it and rub it down.

Oops. Back to the original reason of the post. So anyway, us 8's are having to compete with the dimes so as an 8, we have to make sure our hair is tight, our clothes are right so we can catch that special guy's attention. Men are visual creatures.

Men let me tell you a secret - we women like for our men to be physically appealing too. We like for our men to dress well, smell good and please can you clean your dirty fingernails.

So ladies if you're two pennies short of a dime--embrace being an 8 and shake what your mama made you. Fellows don't let a good 8 past you by while you're waiting on that dime.

Confession #1 - I'm not perfect but who is.

Who Am I

I am a single Black female.
Some say I'm a statistic, but I refuse to accept that as a fact.
Life as a single Black woman has it's ups and downs.
I plan on giving a "in your face" view of what it's like to be single these days.
Feel free to jump on into the discussions.

Happy New Year