No scrubs need apply

(Photo--I don't want no scrub, but sure could use a good doctor...smile)

Song of the day: No Scrubs by T.L.C.

Remember the group TLC as they blurted out the lyrics - “I don’t want no scrub…a scrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me.”

That song came out years ago but for some reason I thought about it last night as I was reading a couple of blogs.

Some folks will try to make you feel bad because you hold men accountable for their actions. I think if we’re being real with each other from the beginning it will save heartache and headache for both parties.

A wise person once told me to only settle for what you think you deserve. Why shouldn’t that apply to all areas of your life? Why did it take me getting in my 30s before I actually realized what they meant?

As I look at some of my past associations with the opposite sex I have to admit that I’ve ran across a few scrubs myself. I thought I could clean them up and make them be more than they were. So I settled, although in my mind I thought I wasn’t. One bad relationship made me realize the errors of my ways and as one of my friends would say - I saw the light. Once the light shined, I vowed not to return down that type of path again. However, it still hasn’t stopped some scrubs crossing my path–I just know how to recognize them and no longer give them my time.

Pearls of Wisdom: You can’t change a grown man. Oh, it may seem like he changed but it’s temporary and overtime, the “real” man will return.

Another Pearl of Wisdom: You Can’t Turn a Scrub into a Boyfriend. If you do, you’ll have a huge mess to clean up afterwards–whether it be your heart, your spirit and if he’s a leech, your finances too.

Don’t fall for the line most scrubs like to use - “Black women don’t support their Black men.” That’s bull. They know it and we should know it. I don’t know a Black woman who hasn’t supported Black men (even when they didn’t believe in themselves, we’ve been there). Don’t let guilt corner you into giving a scrub a try.

Confession #14: This is a scrubs-free zone.I know that there are good men out there that have the qualities that are compatible with me.

Let's Talk About Pep Episode 7

About Episode 7:
Pep takes some time off from Tom to see if another man can make her sweat. Jacque discovers some disturbing info when she cyber-stalks Joel. Kittie finds that there's only room for one big mouth in her house.

My Take:

I'm glad Jacque asked Joel some probing questions. He tripped me out when he said, "I'll keep it real with you, if you keep it real with me." I think he was on the defensive because he's too busy trying to be a player. I have to admit, I was feeling Joel the first time, but now I don't think he's a good choice for Jacque. He's trying to play games. If you're not doing anything, why does it matter that she's looking at your Facebook page? And dude straight up lied about sending out a tweet on Twitter (see the bonus clip).

I thought it was funny that Jacque set Steve up with Kittie. Their date was hilarious. Steve was outrageous. Kittie definitely met her match in him. I knew it wouldn't work with those two but they were great to watch.

All I can say is Sid is like a box of chocolate--you can't help but want to touch him. I don't blame Pep for reaching out and touching those rippling muscles. I still like Tom, but I can understand Pep. Her and Tom aren't in a committed relationship so she's free to date whoever she wants. Back to that tall walk of temptation--Sid would be hard to resist. He would probably make a great boy toy but I'm still leaning towards Tom.

Do you check the Facebook & Twitter page of those you date? Let's talk about Pep.

When the ex still calls

Song of the day: When A Woman's Fed Up by R Kelly

I'm not going to front, I'm thrilled that he called. Why? It only validates what I said when we parted--that the grass ain't greener on the other side and he'll be crawling back with his head between his legs begging for my brown sugar.

Honestly, it happened sooner than I expected though. Caught me by surprise; but not so much that I wanted to take his trifling behind back though.He's been trying to get back for at least a month now.

I would be lying if I said, I didn't think about it for a second. Yes, a second, because on the second SECOND, my memory remembered how everything went down. It recalled why he was now an ex.

I'm at peace. I can't go back to what we were. I've changed since we broke up. That woman he knew, will never be again. My love now has conditions.

• He should have stayed when I gave him unconditional love.
  
• He should have thought about the things he's now saying before he became an ex.
• He should have been thinking about me every day when he was with me.
• He should have lived the truth instead of telling lies when we were together.

My male friends tell me to not even accept his calls anymore. His calls don't bother me. They bother him. Why? Because I don't ever respond the way he wants me to respond. I never give him the "okay" that he's welcome to be an important part of my life again. It frustrates him and honestly, I find it funny at this point. Call me cruel, but I'm not. Call me being a biatch, but I'm not. I'm just saying. He should have listened to the words of the song, "When a Woman's Fed Up..." because at this point, there's nothing he can do about it. I've moved on. I'm living my life like it's golden.

Confession #13: An ex calling and wanting to get back with me does boost the ego; but it doesn't mean I want to get back with him.

Make a move or be left behind

Song for the day - Always on Time - Ashanti & JaRule

by Chelle

Men need to realize that no matter how long a woman has been alone, saying, “OH she's been alone for 6 months, 10 months, 3 years etc....so she’s okay waiting for X amount of time longer for me…” is a mistake.

Her being alone has been her OWN business. There has been a reason she’s been alone, one that has nothing to do with you. If she’s finally healed enough to be with you that means she’s ready to open up again—that she’s healed and ready to move on in life.

This ALONE period was not some PRACTICE for more alone time.

Men, you need to QUIT thinking that dragging her heart out to the limit is OKAY.

Men PLEASE when a woman who has been alone gets tired of being ALONE…when the light comes on… if she’s who you want, or who you even THINK you want… you besta be THERE with her--in some way or at least let her know it... beyond just empty BS words or wilted flowers or some SECOND choice actions...

GET THERE for real ....or get left.

When the light inside a woman comes on, there is a glow that other men see (you know that)... and soon one will come along with all you offer and more... and the more will be... THEMSELVES.... they will BE THERE.. in more than just words and WEAK promises and or offers of sex or some other weak and limited temporary 'present' or condescending gesture on your part!!!

We are not PITY PARTIES...

AND SOON, a man WILL BE THERE TO DELIVER the love and the touch and the... ugh the internal fulfillment we need.

Confession #12: I'm single by my own choosing so don't act like you are my only choice. Don't get left behind.

Let's Talk About Pep Episode 6

About Episode 6:
It's time for Tom to meet Pep's friends-but how will he react when he gets a load of Kittie? Joumana goes toe-to-toe with a celebrity boxer. Jacque searches for the elusive "Big O." And that ain't Oprah.

My Take:
It was an interesting show last night. I'll start off talking about Jacque and her session. I doubt if I could ever go through with something like that, so I commend her for stepping out of her comfort zone. If you've been reading my commentary then I've mentioned before that out of the four friends, I'm probably more like Jacque. I laughed when the sex guru mentioned disrobing. Jacque practically ran out of there.

Joumana just can't leave those bad boys alone. He was fine but when he had his entourage with him, that's when I would have left him to his two dancers. But she hung in there and all she wanted was a fling anyway. I'm wondering if Joumana will meet the man that will make her want to commit. Remember she said in a previous episode that she purposely date men who she knows she won't commit to.

Now about Ms Kittie. Kittie knows she was wrong for how she acted in front of the Doc. Pep had every right to be upset. Pep, however, knows how Kittie is. Tom gets a few points for not judging Pep based on her friends. I wonder how long things will last with her & the Doc, since the next episode shows a clip with her and this other dude.

Did anybody else see last night's episode? Let's talk about Pep.

Valentine's Day for the Single Ladies

Song of the day - Single Ladies by Beyonce

Ladies, if you are single, I hope you're not sitting around feeling depressed because you don't have a special man in your life. Grant it, Valentine's Day is a special day. Even if you are in a relationship, if the guy you're with only does something nice for you ONE day out of an entire year, then something is wrong. He should be treating you nice the entire year. Okay, back to the single ladies.

This Valentine's Day do what you should be doing everyday--love yourself. If you must feel like you're getting something for Valentine's Day, treat yourself to flowers, candy, spa day or whatever else that will make you feel special on February 14th.

My plans for Valentine's Day this year is to go to church, spend time with my family during the day and chill out with myself that night. I don't have any dates plan and if a guy asks me at this late of the week, I will probably turn him down because if he's calling now; that probably means he's also going to be expecting some Valentine's night coochie and that's not going to happen so he should call somebody else.

Going solo this Valentine's Day doesn't have to be a bad thing.

CONFESSION #11 - I love Valentine's Day but if you can only treat me right one day out of the year, you need to keep it moving.

Dating Applications Should Be Required

Song of the day: I'm Looking For a New Love by Jody Watley

What if we treated dating like we do a job or an interview. Companies pre-screen applicants before deciding to give them an interview. Why don't we pre-screen guys more before deciding to give them our hearts? For example:

1. Applicants fill out applications (ask potential date questions).
2. Applicant gets an interview (go out on date to learn even more).
3. Interviewer takes notes (evaluates all information & decide if you want to continue dating).
   
4. Interviewer does a background check (background check could be asking friends/relatives/or official criminal background check)
   

Below is a dating application I ran across on Black Femme Fatale's blog. Loved it and thought I would share it with you.

In compliance with applicable laws, this woman typically does not discriminate because of age, sex, race, color, religion, national origin, veteran status or disability. But because I am a woman, I can do whatever the hell I wanna do.

Instructions: Please print. Be sure to answer all questions. If a question does not apply to you, answer with “no” or “not applicable”. Do not substitute any bullshit for the information requested. Please attach 3 references. Do not use family members, homeboys or cut buddies that you claim you are just friends with. We would prefer if you use past girlfriends, coworkers, or someone that really does not give a flip about this one way or the other and will not lie for you.

Note: I do offer the opportunity for advancement. Upon outstanding behavior, you may be promoted to boyfriend, fiancé, or even husband if you are lucky.

PERSONAL INFORMATION

Last name First Middle						Social Security Number
Present Address (please attach a current bill for verification. Photocopies not accepted)							How long?
City State Zip							Verified? Yes No
Telephone Number and area code Home ( ) Work ( )					Person to notify in case I have to cut you Name Phone ( )
Position Desired					Hours available
Gainfully employed? Yes No		If yes, where? If no, Kick Rocks and your application will be permanently destroyed.
Adequate transportation? Yes No				If no, Kick Rocks and your application will be permanently destroyed.
Currently holding another position as Winter Boo? Yes No	If yes, Kick Rocks and your application will be permanently destroyed.
Have been properly screened for STD’s? Yes No	Dates and what medical facility? Also, please provide proof.
Ever engaged in any intimate activity with a male that should be strictly between a male and female? Yes No	If yes, Kick Rocks and your application will be permanently destroyed.
Married? Yes No	If yes, Kick Rocks and your application will be permanently destroyed. Just so you know, your wife will be contacted at the phone number or address you have listed above. Sorry bastard!!
Baby Mama Drama? Yes No	If yes, please explain
Bad Credit? Yes No	If yes, please explain
Have you ever been convicted of a felony? Yes No	If yes, please explain (anything other than possession of marijuana or 1 DUI, Kick Rocks and your application will be permanently destroyed.)
Have you ever been terminated from or asked to resign from a previous Winter Boo position? Yes No			If yes, Please explain
Check anything that applies God fearing Respectable Believes chivalry is dead can handle minor housekeeping duties phone rings all time of night lies uncontrollably effective listener goal oriented handsome nice dresser can pick up the tab without having to file bankruptcy don’t have a girlfriend good with my hands trustworthy kind loving willing to slide a sister some change to help her out if need be

EDUCATION

Education	Name and location of institution	Grade Average	Did you Graduate?	If you graduated, what was your Degree and major
High school and/or G.E.D.			Yes No
College			Yes No
College			Yes No
Graduate School			Yes No
Other institutions attended			Yes No

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION

Use this space to list any reasons why you, above all others, should be selected as Winter Boo.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

APPLICANT’S STATEMENT

I certify that the information contained in this application is correct and understand that falsification of this information is grounds for dismissal. I authorize this woman to conduct an investigation of my background for the purpose of confirming the information contained on my application and/or obtaining other information which may be material to my qualifications for Winter Boo. I authorize any individuals or entities contacted during this investigation to give you any and all pertinent information they may have, personal or otherwise, and release all parties from any and all liabilities, claims or law suits in regard to the information obtained.

I certify that I have read, understand and agree with the above.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Applicant’s Signature Date

CONFESSION #10 - Just because I don't acknowledge I know you're lying about something; doesn't mean you have me fooled.

Let's Talk About Pep Episode 5

About Episode 5:
Pep wasn't so comfy approaching guys in a club. Now she's treated to a party full of dudes all vying for affection-but will she face some unwanted competition? Joumana finds out that bad boys don't change their stripes, and she has to be rescued by Kittie. Jacque goes out with Joel, a seemingly perfect guy with one scary red flag in his past.

My Take:
No date highlight this week for Kittie.

If you watched the show last week, you recall Pep went out with Dr. Tom. Well in this week's episode, she's still going out with Dr. Tom, but she wants to keep her options opened so through a referral, she's uses this dating guru. You would think being the only woman in a sea of men would be heavenly. Hmm. Pep met some weird guys at this match making party. She would have done better trying to find a man on her own.

Joumana seems to love the bad boys. In this episode she's to meet one out. One thing I notice about Joumana, she doesn't let the guy come pick her up; she usually meets them out somewhere. Ladies, for security reasons, I would advise that for any active dater, whether he's a good guy or a bad boy. Anyway, Joumana sits in the restaurant and waits and waits for the guy to show up and he stands her up. She calls Kittie. Kittie cusses the guy out over the phone and they end up going to a club having a good time. Oh we also find out why Joumana picks out bad boys. Since she's not ready to commit to anyone, she purposely goes out with guys she's knows she won't commit to because she wants to play it safe and have no pressure.

Ms Jacque goes out with this guy named Joel. He's a journalist and they seem to have a lot in common. The ladies tease her when they find out one interesting thing about the sexy Joel--especially Joumana--he's a bad boy. Joel explains his story to Jacque and we all find out that he has a record--not music album, jail record. Jacque doesn't hold that against him and has agreed to go out on a second date with him.

Would you date a guy with a prison record? Let's talk about Pep. What's your take?

Let's Talk About Pep Episode 4

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About Episode 4:
Pep spends a romantic night in with her new man Tom, a doctor and gourmet chef-will she fall prey to some "Asian persuasion?" Kittie spends another crazy night out with Markuann-but the picture in the A.M. ain't so pretty. A young NFL player is hot-to-trot for Joumana-is she ready to be a cougar?

My Take:
Jacque didn't have any date highlights in this episode. Joumana played the cougar. She had a date with NFL Hottie Brandon. Brandon is only 24 or as he quickly said, soon to be 25. As she was giving her date recap, she kept saying "I know better." I think she was too afraid of what people would think so she could never get past his age. I think what really gave her an eye-opener is when he said, "You still look good." Young men, please, never ever say that to an older woman you're interested in dating. But Joumana, he looked so good so believe me, this cougar here would have understood if you lived on the edge just a little bit.

Kittie went out again with Markuann or as we all know him as Mr. Toe Sucker. Mr. Toe Sucker is still a sucker for toes. I think Kittie realizes she needs more because although she enjoyed his attention at night, during the day time, he left her feeling disappointed. I think once Kittie realizes there's more to a man than his bed action, she'll find the happiness she wants.

Last, but not least is Pep and the good doctor a/k/a Tom. Fellows let me tell you, there's nothing sexier than watching a man cook for you. He did get the raised eyebrow when he brought out the watermelon. I wasn't too sure what that meant but I flipped the chip off my shoulder and like Pep, I overlooked it (for now). He got some more cool points with the Blind Fold game that led to the kiss.

Pep was open-minded and dated outside of her comfort zone. I wonder if I could do the same. Hmm. I don't know. I prefer Black men but who knows, maybe one day. I've been a cougar, so you never know.

Okay peeps, let's talk about Pep. What's your take?

No I'm not coming over

Song for the day - Can I Come Over by Aaliyah

Okay, what is it about guys who you've only known a hot minute wanting you to come to their house?

Last week, after a few phone conversations and text messages, I went out on a lunch date with this guy. Conversation was good--company was good. Thought all was well. Fast forward to later on that evening when I get a call asking me if I was available. I'm a "weekend girl" but because I know the guy has his daughter on the weekend, I was willing to bend a little, but when he asked me if I could come over that same night and I said, no; ol' boy had a slight attitude.

#1 I don't know you well enough to be coming over to your place.
#2 I just saw you at lunch time; you should have asked me if I was available later then.
#3 He asked the wrong question--maybe if he would have asked me out on a real date, I may have obliged.
#4 I have many movie channels and the internet. I can watch a movie at home. Why do I need to leave my warm house and get in a cold car to go to someone else's house to watch a movie that I probably don't want to see anyway?
#5 I don't do booty calls, so me coming over was mute if that was his original plan.

Funny thing is, when I said no, it's like he went from being a man to throwing a temper tantrum. What's up with that? His tantrum basically wiped out my memory of the nice lunch and vibe I got from him during lunch time.

Confession #9 - Getting me to your place does not mean I'm giving up the booty. P.S. - Throwing a tantrum just because I won't bend to your schedule throws you out of the running.