Monday, February 1, 2010

No I'm not coming over

Couple Sitting in a Living Room Playing CardsSong for the day - Can I Come Over by Aaliyah

Okay, what is it about guys who you've only known a hot minute wanting you to come to their house?

Last week, after a few phone conversations and text messages, I went out on a lunch date with this guy. Conversation was good--company was good. Thought all was well. Fast forward to later on that evening when I get a call asking me if I was available. I'm a "weekend girl" but because I know the guy has his daughter on the weekend, I was willing to bend a little, but when he asked me if I could come over that same night and I said, no; ol' boy had a slight attitude.

#1 I don't know you well enough to be coming over to your place.
#2 I just saw you at lunch time; you should have asked me if I was available later then.
#3 He asked the wrong question--maybe if he would have asked me out on a real date, I may have obliged.
#4 I have many movie channels and the internet. I can watch a movie at home. Why do I need to leave my warm house and get in a cold car to go to someone else's house to watch a movie that I probably don't want to see anyway?
#5 I don't do booty calls, so me coming over was mute if that was his original plan.

Funny thing is, when I said no, it's like he went from being a man to throwing a temper tantrum. What's up with that? His tantrum basically wiped out my memory of the nice lunch and vibe I got from him during lunch time.

Confession #9 - Getting me to your place does not mean I'm giving up the booty. P.S. - Throwing a tantrum just because I won't bend to your schedule throws you out of the running.


Kay said...

Lunch was so good to him, he thought he was going to have him a late night snack. LOL

Anonymous said...

What happened to ‘courting’? I mean really..don’t skip those courting dates to just hang out at your house.

There are other things you can do—bowling, pool, walks, picnics. It’s a red flag when a man doesn’t want to ‘court’ me. I don’t do ‘blockbuster’ nights unless we’ve known each other for a hot minute AND we’ve been on a few dates.

Persia Ellis

Shelia said...

Kay & Persia,

I agree. Be creative...bowling would have been nice. Although I can't play pool, I love playing. Take me to Dave & Busters. I love playing the games there. It's an adult playground. Anyway, he's been scratched off my list and he's gotten the message and stopped calling (which leads me to a future topic on the site).

Valerie said...

Hello, I agree with your list and your decision to move on. It is quite funny to me how some men feel that after a few dates, rather it be money spent on lunch, dinner, or a movie or two; they are ready to "house date". It is difficult for some of us single women to remain who we are, when some men are used to other women whom have set their bar a little lower on the rules of trying to get to know him better by actually dating each other. Some things need to be slow walked. Thanks, great blog.

Shelia said...

Valerie, we understand the economy is bad but why can't "they" get the fact that there's things you can do outside of the house that might not even cost you.

Deborah said...

Good for you girl. Kick him to the curb!! The temper tantrum is a huge red flag.

Shelia said...

Deborah--yes, a huge red flag. He's no longer calling--thank goodness.

TheJourney18 said...

This "Can I Come Over" phenomenon is all too common these days. I had a recent situation with it myself and I couldn't help but think the guy was crazy in some sense when he asked. I mean, who's to say that I'm not a crazy female. Are you ready to be a potential victim in my dwelling??

On a serious note, we as single women should try and put a stop to this. The simple way to do this would be saying a loud and resounding NO!

Shelia said...

TheJourney18, it's up to the woman to set the boundaries because a man will go as far as you let them.

Dash said...

Once again THANK YOU! Can I get a witness?! Hello! Wake up fellas. I have said this once and i will say it again, once you think of a suitable date/outing or what have you then call me, until then I'll see ya later. I have said this to men and yes they do throw a temper tantrum and guess what? now I don't even desire to go out in public with you, let alone your house. Are you kidding me? Don't ask me to come over, if I wanted to, I will make that decision. Not you.

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