Friday, January 29, 2010

Can men and women just be friends

Couple embracing outdoorsSong for the day - Just a Friend by Biz Markie

My ex didn't believe that men and women could be "just friends" so he had a problem with my male friends. Well, hindsight is 20/20. I think the reason why he had an issue with my male friends because he knew that he couldn't "just be friends" with members of the opposite sex. We broke up because of his so called female friends. He forgot during our initial dating stage before getting involved exclusively, we talked about his views on men and women being "just friends."

Anyhoo--my male friends are just that--friends that I can call or email and bounce ideas off of. I know if I need to get a little peep into the male psyche, they will give me the raw and uncut version. One of my ex-boyfriends is a good friend of mine. Him and I make better friends than lovers, so we would never go down that route again. No man I get involved with would ever have to feel insecure about him.

I for one believe that members of the opposite sex can be "just friends" with no romantic involvement. I also think that in order for a relationship to work, you do have to be friends with your mate. Starting off as friends isn't a bad thing.

My question would be to everyone is when do you cross the line--when do you go from being friends to lovers? Should you risk a good friendship by taking a leap into the unknown?

Confession #8 - We might be friends; but sometimes I might want a little more than friendship.


mrtramuel said...

I believe men & women can be friends. My closest friends are females, most but not all started from some form of physical attraction that was never acted upon because of timing(bad)on my part or hers. The relationships evolved into a "brotherly" role.

However it was not without a lot of explanation to either parties "boo." I found myself "giving up conversation, but not saying nothing" to meet my friend circle for drinks. For me personally after we've crossed into the "brotherly" land ... it's too late to have a romantic relationship.

Good Post. Great Question.

Shelia said...

MrTramuel - once a guy goes into the "brotherly" category there is no turning back--he's a friend for life. I do have male friends who are "just" friends and I haven't filed them away into any category just yet.

JoaR said...

I really believe men and women can be just friends. I grew up in a place where it is perfectly acceptable and these types of relationships are made everyday and I don't understand why people are so skeptical about it....personally, i think it says a lot about them.

Great blog btw.

skye blue said...

I believe men and women can be friends, although connections with the opposite sex usually start with some kind of physical attraction.

One of my best male friends is a guy I used to have a crush on. Seven years later the thought of being intimate with him makes my stomach turn. He's crossed over into the 'brother zone' and for me there's no turning back.

Sadly, the women who come into my male friends lives are often real suspicious of me and their other female friends. It would seem a lot of people feel like your ex did.

BTW first time here - Great post!

Shelia said...

JoaR, there are some insecurities but in the case of my ex, I think it was because he knew he only wanted to befriend women he wanted to sleep with. Because of that reason he was insecure and thought there would be a window of opportunity for someone else to get the goodies.

Shelia said...

Skye blue, thanks. Some connections do start off because of physical attraction but then you realize the person makes a better friend than a running for your man. Once I put a guy in the "friend like a brother" category though, it's too late to turn back the clock.

primarythoughts said...

I've found that most males attempts to be my friend were short lived, cuz they were really trying to "play" the friend position in hopes that it will evolve. Can't say that it's a bad thing or a good thing, I think we all want someone to "friend" us first, but it can be a little irritating when as a woman you know the game so well. If I'm interested it's apparent. On another note, I have ended up with some male friends by default. I briefly dated one of their "crew" and have been hanging out with all of them since. It's been great for me becuz they are a respectful bunch of dudes and would never cross the line. They've said a few things here & there "Do I have a sister, girlfriend, mini-me?" Oh, and I have to notify them before I change my avi's on fb and twitter. It's only right as a platonic friend... lol. But I would have to agree with MrTramueL - I think most male/female friendships start from some form of physical attraction or defining situation.

kamakula said...

Sure, men and women can be "just" friends. . . when both are in committed relationships with other people or one or both are not attracted to people of the opposite sex.

Let me be more blunt, the aggressor in the friend making business unless already in a relationship or gay, does not really want to be your friend. They want to get into your pants. However, failing that, some people are willing to settle for friendship.

Shelia said...

Kamakula, I hear a lot of guys saying they just settle unless they were never really attracted to the woman in the first place.

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